You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
