I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
