If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
