i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
