I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
