someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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