If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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