i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
