This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
