He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
