We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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