Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
