Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
