I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
