He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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