mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize