I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
