your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My ass is underappreciated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
