You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
