Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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