I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
