I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
