ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
