my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
