Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You left your phone here
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