We're facebook friends in real life
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
