you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
