Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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