You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
