Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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