Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize