I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
