I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
