Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
