Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
