I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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