gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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