Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
