he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
