Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize