theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize