I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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