I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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