Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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