So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
