My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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