Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
