Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize