Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
