First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
