Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
