Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
