no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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