The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
