Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
