Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Holy sore nipples Batman
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
