she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have feelings that need drinking.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
