you turned your livingroom into a bong?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
