Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
