you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
