im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Boobs speak an international language.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dicks are not precious.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
