And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
