oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
