well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my fart just growled at me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
