I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
