I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize