you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
