lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
