if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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