I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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