I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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