Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
