You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You need Xanax blowdarts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
